So finally this summer holiday comes to an end.  I completed few of my plans so little content.  I read Chetan Bhagat's REVOLUTION 2020 in last 4 days.  Released my Second Story Collection book on 20th May.   Nearly completed my new Novel.  Travelled well..Yellapur-Honnavar-Bangalore-Chitradurga-Shimoga.  So now mind is towards children whom I should teach, train and tune in this academic year.

On the roads of doing different thing...

Finally I am living in a real world with all sorts of problems and fear of the same in future. Now I am not able to become an IAS officer unless I pass KAS and get promoted from there to IAS (when my category comes). Now my senses are opening to the surrounding world, which are closed completely just to achieve IAS before three years.  Since I applied for UPSC civil service exam (although no use from it if I passed)  I wrote prelims and for the 1st time it felt a real exam. Specially because of the absence of the optionals & their great mark compared to General Studies questions. 
Knowledge hunt still running along with all my other hobbies now. Writing stories & novels, reading, making friends, travelling, teaching, photography, listening music, watching movies, blogging etc got equal share with state civil service preparation.
My transfer to new school which is near & seems much better compared with the old one, will certainly change my life. Now I save time, improve health, take on new opportunities. After failure to succeed in UPSC with struggling life, now I am recovered from great depression somewhat. Only thing bothering my million desires is my unsolving mystery of health.
Today met a manager of pharmaceutical company while going to Shimoga.  He saw bright future in me & suggested to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT kind of advise along with motivational info.  He gave me Connect the Dots from Rashmi Bansal to read for a while to know how anyone can get success if he had firm mind and great belief in oneself. 
So, for the first time thinking positive to take risk to do something different.  So far this attitude is suppressed by my surrounding people, who only saw my problems not my strength.

2011 year of hope

New year already arrived, before I could have planned for its welcome.  Life become so risky in these days, specially last year, I lost myself in this run.  Getting thoughts of 40-50year old people, may be because of my bad health and economic situation or because of the amount of failures I am faced.
From August I literally left reading for civilservice, because of my failure in the Prelimnary examination of UPSC for which I struggled so far.  But read mainly for Mains, but for prelims I thought the last two months of APRIL AND MAY are sufficient.  But the CENSUS 2011 and its allotment to me, and my efforts to move away from it was ruined by the cunning, bastart Village Accountant made me feel sick.
The time consumed for this SO CALLED CENSUS was also very huge.  National Population Register NPR also included in the census was revealed very late, so that most of the teachers are already signed the copy.
Morning 7 to evening 6 in the village, which never gave support for the good things I did, and never opposed the evil things in the school and in village.  My whole plan to read, revise the Prelimnary content was overturned and the exam approached very fast.
Although my year long studies made me feel confident  despite of the failure to read thoroughly, the new trend and technique to google the Coaching aspirants worked well on me.  Specially Indian Economy related questions and very very minute details of mighty history subject questions made me fumble.
But with average performance I hoped succes in prelims.  But failure was already written in the fate.  So I lost confidence because of the time I already took away from my family, child to read for this mighty task, at this age, with so many risks.
Anyhow, feeling that the old bad things went away with the old year and this new year may fill my mind with awesome motivation and let me to contemplate on the studies.
This is the one and only wish I expect from this year.  Economic stability is most needed at this time to me and the zeal to help the needed is my only motto to be an civil servant.

My useless days at my dept resource centre

Finally my 4 day training in my taluk is over.  These four days (18th November to 21st November) I am at the wrong place.  I have to tolerate 4 days torture.  Since I have been in this Governament job as a teacher, I was involved forcefully by my department to number of trainings, interacting with the same, rubbish type of their procedure. 
The same method of grouping the teachers into 4 groups, giving them white paper to write their difficulties in teachings.  But, never try to clear those difficulties.  They never want to know the new techniques, methods to deal with those difficulties.  The people who came as Resource Persons were with lowest knowledge on that subject.  So, what we expect is completely opposite in experience.  Moreover, it became like a common phenomenon for trainees to see all these stupid stuff.  But many of the teachers still in the illusion that, these resource person's giving them the most acceptable, wonderful knowledge!!
Most of the teachers didnt read anything to improve their, teaching skills, so they are not at all updated, in any sense.  So, whatever comes in their way, they will accept, or they will show respect.  But I am not ignoring few, who are still expecting good from every training.
I am really fed up with these stupid, action songs by the so called RP's and so called creative(?) teachers, with lots of pronunciation, spelling mistakes, lots of mistakes in the rhyme, rhythm, concepts.  Many times, they dont know, what they are doing.  At the end, it just seems like stupid game. 
No questions on professional based knowledge, skills.  The topics at training are meant to just telling, and explaining in meaningless words with third class jokes.  I experienced many male trainees, take their own decision and do their work, without any hindrance.  Some read newspapers, some attend calls, some chew Gutka, some cut jokes, some use that 'training' to encash their works in city like attending parties, going to see someone at hospital, going to bank, filling electric bills etc.,
The logistics provided at there are really depressing.  Its really embarassing to stand in line (although the so called 'teachers' broke the rules and push over one another) and beg the server for correct distribution of food items to us.  Although trainees number may increase more than 50, the server deals with only himself, and saves money to take another assistant.  So we have to wait untill all finished their Chapathi's to expect rice.  No body cares about these things. But everybody talk about it.  Some day we get food in paper plates, some times the server purposefully misses our rice-sambar and brings tifin to workout his money and teachers just go on eating whatever comes to their way.
I am wondering that I am adjusted to such a system and becoming a part of it.  In now way, you expect good from these centres.  I asked for a book, which was in the showcase of the Resource Centre(!).  I asked four persons including the head of the centre, but no use!  Nobody interested to help me in this regard.  The books in the showcase are meant to hold the dust, rather to be in reading hands.  My mind becomes very irritative thinking about these nonsense training system from eight years and many times I think to quite this stupid job to make myself feel good.

Sadananda, Thrinayan, Vishnu and Guitar...

Visit to a friend's home was a very special feeling for anyone.  But revealing your life's aim and finding yourself in the mystery where you lost, is much more amazing thing to be experienced.  When I went to my dearest friend, Sadananda's home this time, when I went to Bangalore for the Text Book Preparation workshop at DSERT.  I felt very happy by the hight he reached after a long struggle.
He is very special to me in many ways.  His talk is really a nice feeling.
It is Thrinayan (19), a student of Sadanand, who with his most innocent face revealed his talent in Guitar.  Untill then I never saw a guitar, so near, vibrating awesome sounds so dear.  The instrument was like a toy in Thrinayan's hand and he played, sang some of the wonderful tracks specially for me.
Why, I said I found myself? I will tell you...
The craze for music is very important part of my life in my student days.  I learnt Classical Veena for ten months...and I experienced very unusual feeling when I am playing it.  It took me to eternal feelings.  At that time, I was studying my training course of Teacher's job.  That was my bad time in life, as I thought.  I was tired by the busy and backbreaking travel to Challakere and the stupid coaching at that college.  It seems just like, I am thrown away from my world to an another world.
Everyday, I was in some sort of tense, created by that college's staff or the teaching there.  Before joining there as a trainee by my mom's force, I thought I might be somewhere in Engg or Medicine, or B.Sc with Computer Science enjoying rest part of college days...but my destiny took me to teachers training course, which made me feel inferiority complex.  The standard of teaching, way of living, mode of thinking which I got from my childhood was of no use, infront of that college's nonsense teaching, faculty and thier politics.  Anyhow I was adjusted inevitably to it (and lost many speical developments).
My close friends are everyday discussing with their Engineering study, college, projects and I stand with them cursing my fate every moment.  I am feeling nowhere near to them and thinking to move away from them permanently. 
But music made me to move away from all negative thoughts and things.  It made me a special person.  That period of my learning music is really awesome feeling to remember.  A state of beautiful dream!  Sometimes our music teacher 's (Vidwan Prakash)daughter Brinda takes me to the wonderful world of Violin.  I had a great craze for musical instruments specially Keyboard, Guitar, Tabla, Mandolin, Veena and Harmonica.  Touched only Veena and Keyboard.  Learnt Western Notes basic lessons and left in the halfway, when I was selected as a primary school teacher.  From there no craze, no music, no creativity nothing...just experiencing the much different world at Koppala, where I am selected as a govt primary school teacher.
So life moved a long from my leaving of music in 2002 and today 2010....I forgot listening to my own taste and great zeal to be a composer!
So I wish that boy- Thrinayan a bright future.  Who showed me my life and gave me a wonderful time to remember and celebrate.

Remembering my favourite movie - Thodasa Roomani Ho Jaayen

Thodasa Roomani Ho Jayen is a Hindi movie directed by Amol Palekar and released in 1990. It features Anita Kanwar, Nana Patekar and Vikram Gokhale as major actors. It is a Hindi remake of 1956 English movie The Rainmaker. This movie has become a part of management courses and study pertaining to human behaviour.
The movie has a lot of poetry within itself. Anita Kanwar is an unconventional girl lacking confidence. All people around her including her father and brothers keep advising her 'how she should be'. Then, a magician who can bring rain comes to their lives. He helps her to realize the potential of believing. He brings back beauty and confidence to Anita Kanwar. Now, she realizes altogether a different life, just because of believing or changing perception.


The film is a comment on a society that brands people into images they should be, and talks of individual dreams and aspirations. Set in the background of a small town in India, against the harsh weather conditions and lack of rain, the story revolves around a girl who is unconventional in her ways and appearance, in-feminine in the conventional sense of the word, and therefore subjugated to much negative public opinions and advices on what she should be. She is supported by a supportive just father, a younger brother who is about to turn 18 and a realistic, discouraging but loving older brother. And in their lives then enters a man who believes in magic and tells them that he can bring rain! The story unfolds with much poetry and a dreamlike quality that is magical. Written by Shweta Rao raoshweta1978@yahoo.com